Shalom! A miscarriage is one of those things you hear are very common, but you never expect it to happen to you. And for couples who have went through them, it can be a real reality check. Many can say (including myself), that the regret and defeat falls mostly on the woman. Although it was a trying experience for us as a couple, my wife also went through separate doubts and realizations about womanhood. I can say, the miscarriage taught us a lot about each other and about preparing for the future.
First, let’s go back. Me and my wife had been together for 9 years and married for 3. We decided that it was time for us add to the family. Now, we already had a 12 year old son(which my wife had from a previous relationship), so we were not without a child. We also wanted to focus more on him, and not immediately take away any attention that was needed for this adolescent upbringing. Many people would ask, “when are you guys having a baby”, and our reply would always be “We already have a child, and we are not the “house full of children” type of couple….Stop There. I became so accustom to saying that, that it began to sound normal or “right” to me. In today’s world, we have been taught to abandon our functions, and get what WE want out of life. After these functions that God intended for us are abandoned, we are hit the the repercussions of our decisions, and we do not learn from them. We also say “everything happens for a reason” or “we will never know why things happen”. Although, we may and will not know how God creates or the INNER workings of his will, he may give us at least a little clue on why things happen, or why they never happened. Could we say “ our miscarriage was our fault”. No, it was not our fault per say, and things are meant to happen regardless, but could this have been a result of judgment, or test in relation to our past sin? Based on Bible teachings, I would say…yes.
Now back to us…After “controlling nature” for 10 years, we decided it was time to have a child. After about 3 months of not conceiving we actually started panicking and overreacting. We got apps, researched on Google, tried to time things, but still no luck. Then about 8 months into it, we did conceive. We took a breath and said “Ok, we got this!” We wanted to wait 3 months, but was so excited , we told our immediate family and a couple of co-workers. On the 2nd check up, we got the unexpected news. It was like our world crashed in 30 seconds. For this, I will relate to anyone that has been through one or is going through one. Although it was extremely hard for the both of us, we understood where this came from (or at least a few reasons this happened)
Please understand, God is a gracious and merciful father, and does not go around taking babies to teach us a lesson, BUT depending on your personal journey, it could most definitely be a test that is teaching a specific lesson to you and those around you. Remember, God hates pride, and pride can go a long way right under our noses. Things we do on a everyday basis may seem acceptable, but are they acceptable in Gods eyes. Also, once you find out what is unacceptable, how will you never back-step? God has to make sure you understand these things.
I am not here to say judge people’s choices, but after finding out about true bible principles, I would definitely say birth control is not acceptable in God’s eyes. And why were we even on it in the first place? Back to this pride thing…what is pride? Websters states it is “ a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.”
Remember, most of our sin originates from our own “pride”. “Where I think I should Be”, “What I feel I should have”, “What will make me happy.” , “What will be best for me and those around me”, basically, “How can I become my own God and control my future”. It sounds pretty far fetched, but we can easily find ourselves in this hole. So, we felt that we could control when we wanted to have children, which is not the best outlook. Before this event happened, I would probably say we did things correct by waiting. Many of our friends had too many children too young, and we did not want to fall in that category. We wanted to find ourselves, continue education, pursue careers, and run around in continuous circles. After all that planning, what did we really have that we had to wait for? We had two stupid college degrees, not the jobs to match, and just stories of young adult silliness. I would compare myself to my friends, and assume that since I am not a chronic party animal or a promiscuous person (by my standards), that I was not doing anything thing bad. But, whether you are going to college, starting a business, going to club, or if you are choosing these things over continuing or benefiting the family, what good are they? Our main purpose in life is to multiply and build families under Torah principles. In today’s society, we have abandon this concept, and are taught to follow our own dreams and passions, even if they have no real benefit to you, as long as they make you happy….That’s bologna!
After our miscarriage, it was clear for the both of us some lessons this trying to teach us. Not only did it teach us patience, but about taking things for granted, and trying to control things that are not meant to be controlled. Also, God has to make sure we will not back track. Although my wife stated she would not go back on birth control, if we are not tested or learn our lesson, would she actually change? Some people do not want change, as they may view these events as unexplained trials and tribulations. News flash! They are not. We should look deeper at our past to find out why we are being tested so we do go down that same road in the future. We should treat these moments with care and pray for understanding. Although we may not like the first realization, it will only get better once we come to grips with it.
So..why did we have have a miscarriage? To teach us about patience and Yah’s timing, and to make us aware of our past sin of withholding from our greatest duties to God, which is giving life. We must learn from our mistakes as humans, and keep from repeating them in the future. Let me know what you think? Shalom!
****I actually wrote this post in June of 2018. We found out my wife was pregnant a month after righting this. Our son is now 9 months old! Yah will always provide us with the best outcome, even if we do not immediately see it.