In today’s current climate, gender roles are a big topic and they are all out of sync. We are in the days of “toxic masculinity”. Wikipedia states ” the concept of toxic masculinity is used in psychology and media discussions of masculinity to refer to certain cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and to men themselves. ” What was once considered normal for the average man, can now be viewed as misogynistic. This creates a issue, because it put all men in one category, and lumps the bad with the good. Of course, we should never tolerate a abusive man/husband, an adulterer, or a sexual predator, but we also must acknowledge men have certain roles and women have certain roles. This has caused us to become poor examples of husbands and wives. (myself included)
The Bible gives us example and illustrations on how men are supposed to be loving husbands. Some people, who most likely do not read the bible, would say the Bible promotes the idea of men being more important that women, or men having a “cave-man” mentality, but that is further from the truth. See, although men and women are both human beings, we do have different biological and social roles. If we throw this idea out before we start, this will lead us into trouble. Now, although, society has abandoned the roles of a “Torah” husband, the traditional American husband roles are also being attacked.
The basic requirements of husbands/fathers are to provide for the family financially, do all the house maintenance , teach their sons how to be men, do all the house maintenance, protect them, etc. The traditional wife/mother roles are primary care of the children, cooking/cleaning, etc. I do not disagree with any of these basic norms, and I do not believe people should disagree with them either. Now this does not mean the husband cannot cook, clean, etc. or that a wife cannot help out financially, or change a light bulb( take the virtuous woman from Proverbs) , but we must have clear roles establish a firm system. Now, father’s roles have actually been diminished in the household, which has weakened our marriage structure. On top of gender roles being swapped, we are not applying patience and love in our marriages. In our climate now, Torah can be the the most beneficial key that can save our marriages, and make us men better husbands.
“How Can Torah help me be a better husband?“
We can always see this illustration in Yeshua and Israel. As he is the marriage lamb that unites us back with Yah. We should always be striving to live like Yeshua. He acted as the bridegroom to Israel, and men should be the bridegrooms to their wives. He did not base his actions on the previous actions of Israel, but he completed his instructed job and duty to Yah. In today’s time, roles are shifted, and we find ourselves in competition with our wives. No longer are we protecting them, but throwing them out into the world. Too much is being put on women today. They have become harder workers than men and are heading households. Not saying that women cannot do this, or even have the choice not to do it, but did God really intend for families to be structured this way? On top of social duties being shifted, women are much more driven by emotion than men, and that can be a positive or negative. Men are no longer acting as husbands, but we too are now driven by emotion. Not understanding how to combat emotion, we go back and forth with them trying to prove a point. We must get back to function and out of our feelings. Yeshua was not driven by emotion, but by truth. Husbands must recognize this difference, and know how to discern our actions. Torah teaches us all to accept accountability and not play the “blame game”. Whether husband or wife, we should always be working on bettering ourselves rather than the other person. The best way to change someone is to change yourself. After any argument, we should ask ourselves, “what could I have done to prevent that or handle that better”. Torah teaches us to handle the issues from within. Yeshua did not tell God, “they do not deserve it”, etc, but accepted his duty. He never thought of himself, but the greater cause. Men have to realize it is not about ourselves, but about the family. We should honor Yah, and then our wife; this sets up the perfect foundation. Now unlike Yeshua, we are not blameless , and we chose to be married. So, we have all the more reason to love our wives as he loved the true church.
I recently read 1 Corinthians 7, and Paul gave Torah instructions that could heal marriages on this walk. Your wife could not be on same spiritual journey as you, but you should still love your wife and not forsake your wife. If you stay strong in Torah, you could save her life. I recommend anyone to read this who is going through spiritual differences with their spouse. And while you can find marital laws in Leviticus, the Bible all throughout gives us illustrations of true love and solid marriage principles. Men have to give up “self” and honor Yah. We honor Yah by striving to perfect our duties as husbands and fathers. We have to except the accountability of being a husband, and protect our wives from the evils of this world. Although marriages take effort on both ends, we both have to give 100%. I encourage you to explore the Bible for yourself and learn how to honor your spouse.